Residents in and around the Firefly Square shopping area of Philomath may have noticed some peculiar signs popping up recently. They may also have noted a strange smell on the wind, a rather impressive fire, and a strangely pearlescent cloud gently flashing overhead for the last several days. However, Boris Tuttle–Chief Operations Manager of the Clearcrest Environmental Protection Agency (CEPA)–has assured the Chronicle’s reporting staff that the situation is well in hand and all concerns are being dealt with using trained professionals.
This reporter followed up with several sources inside the agency and its subcontractors, and can now offer tantalizing details about the work within CEPA’s magically cordoned-off area. According to an unnamed firefighter, a “sudden, unexpected blaze engulfed the Crooked Stair alchemy shop owned by longtime Clearcrest citizen Virgil “the Valiant”, gutting the building and releasing unusual concoctions and vapors into the environment.” Unprompted, the firefighter in question adamantly denied this to be the shop of anyone named Al. He indicated unequivocally that he did not know whether an Al owned a shop in Firefly Square, if there was a chemical dispensary in the area, nor why anyone might suspect there was…
While an exhaustive list of the potential side effects of this contamination is impossible to provide, we can confirm that many nearby business owners and shoppers have reported skin discoloration, unfounded feelings of elation, mild poisonings, major poisonings, objects spontaneously turning into glitter, mushy ground, localized gravity reversal, and something they could only describe as “glorping”. Investigations into the phenomena are ongoing, but details are scarce and instances have dwindled in recent days.
The instigating fire was “likely a case of arson,” per a firefighting official whom we assumed was in charge due to his differently colored hazard suit. However, a later incident report from within CEPA also identified this spokesperson as a magic-addled sociopath polymorphing secretaries into sea-horses and threatening to burn down the Philomath CEPA headquarters, so third-party confirmation of his account is still pending.
Eye-witnesses to the tragedy noted that the first responders pulled an unconscious Virgil from the Crooked Stair upon their arrival, administering medical treatment within the barrier surrounding the area. CEPA sources stated that Lucas, their Disaster Response Coordinator (along with contamination containment subcontractors, the Cassius’ Cleaners), entered the scene shortly thereafter, and began clean-up efforts through a complicated series of mage hand bucket chains.
While the efforts to remove alchemical spills went well, areas of the Crooked Stair, most notably the basement, went uninvestigated, which may have left some major issues unresolved. The crew may have been distracted from this goal when the CEPA Disaster Response Coordinator, Lucas, was subsumed into an eldritch flesh horror that had previously been Virgil the Valiant and the group of medical professionals administering aid to him. Unfortunately, this bubbling mass of skin and tendrils distracted the group by throwing gobbets of itself at them, causing massive (and frankly gross) damage whenever it successfully connected.
By carefully drawing the aberration from the street into the husk of the Crooked Stair, the Cassius’ Cleaners managed to use their halfling rogue as erstwhile bait while the wizard threw chromatic orbs at it from a distance. At that point, according to the third member of the trio, “I sped up Pim and myself and teleported me and Nesbar away right before the building mysteriously exploded again…” Though the creature managed to shake off these attacks, it was sufficiently damaged that it fell to the gnome’s wild gambit of tossing canisters of decontamination fluid into its body and detonating it.
Though the beast was felled, the team nevertheless took the precaution of collecting the sad remains of the amalgamated Lucas/Virgil/person et.al mass. They then commandeered a group of first responders’ carts, drove to the Philomath CEPA headquarters, and, according to the halfling rogue, “calmly presented our findings to Mr. Tuttle, indicating that the danger had passed and normal commerce could commence in Firefly Square once again. I then negotiated the remainder of our fee and left.” Further reports note that simultaneous to this meeting, a duo of lunatics assaulted the front desk and made life very difficult for the on-duty secretary. Since this altercation had nothing to do with the Cassius’ Cleaners, the story isn’t covered here.
In summation, the Clearcrest Chronicle can confirm that Firefly Square is once again safe for travel, shopping and business. Should any new developments arise, you’ll hear about it first right here, so be sure to check in regularly.
The Clearcrest Chronicle 